In A Perfect World

Tonight's News:

“Man Gets Hobby, Stops Blowing Leaves.”

Dollars & Sense

Tonight's News:

“Man’s Decision Not To Return Lost Money Pays Off.”

Keeping Up With The Wings

Tonight's News:

"US To Stay Competitive With Cheap Knock-Offs of Cheap Chinese Knock-Offs."

Doors of Perception

In the largest class action suit of it’s kind, roughly 4 million disgruntled purchasers of 2005’s “The Best of the Doors” sued publisher Rhino UK upon the release this week of “The Very Best of the Doors”, claiming they’d been duped. George Beavers long time Doors fan and self-proclaimed mega collector, put it this way:

“It’s a sham and I’m sick of it. This is school yard trickery. This is ‘infinity plus one’ and we’re not going to take it anymore.”

Charles Swartzman, lawyer for the plaintiff, pointed to Amazon.com’s editorial notes on the release:

“It's for the listener who wants a bigger picture of the Doors without investing in the actual albums or a box set and, in that sense, this "Very Best of the Doors", does its job well. If you're looking for an introduction or just the hits, take either of the 2001 or 2007 single discs; if you're looking for most of the best, pick the double-disc set, either with or without the DVD.”

“Most of the best!? This is an audio shell-game and my clients are through being ripped off.”

Hearing word of the suit, Capitol Records rushed to change the name of its forthcoming “Best of the Eagles” to “The Best of the Eagles, We Really Mean It, We Swear to Christ.”

Dear Tivoli Tech Sir or Madam:

Upon receipt of this radio – please follow these steps:
1) Turn radio on. (The radio is fully charged (1 full day, plugged in). You will see that radio does not turn on.
2) Attach the wall charger to the wall, and radio.
3) Turn radio on. You will now see the radio turns on, having been what I call “jumped”, and will operate normally without the wall plug, on it’s own charge. This is ONE of the most annoying problems currently with this radio – and reduces it solely to a plug in radio, with no portability.
Second, the ON/AM/FM switch is tenuous at best. Sometimes ON won’t go ON. Sometimes FM becomes AM, AM becomes FM and frequently, all three will suddenly become one of the other without warning. The truly diminishes the enjoyment of listening to radio.
Thirdly – the “weatherproof” coating on the radio has all but gone – thus eliminating it’s “weatherproof-ness”. This happened within the first year and a half of owning the radio – as the rubbery coating, simply turned to goo. This is by my own admission, less annoying now that the goo has finally come off – but, it’s still in my opinion, an obvious design/manufacturing defect.
Lastly, the antenna is perpetually loose. You’ll find it fairly tight upon receiving the unit, as I’ve tightened it for the millionth time, prior to sending. Don’t worry, it should be loose by the time you get to….here, in this letter.
Thank you and I look forward to a satisfactory conclusion!

Sincerely,

Ben Brooks

Close Shave

"Close Shave"

I winded my chihauhua, by walking in the wind
We got to Petawawa, but his fur had surely thinned
I bought him some extensions and my balding puppy grinned
If the breeze had been much brisker then he would have wound up skinned!

Badadum

The other night Hoody was rehearsing and we were playing "Badadum" - one of my drummer John's favorites. I was reminded that at the best of times, lyrics are a pipeline to our (just barely) unconsciousness. This song was a clear reminder of that.


Badadum (Lyrics)

Sitting back with my home-school honey
Thinking back now don't you think it's funny?
All the times we never needed money
Getting richer but I feel much poorer

Sitting back in a nook by the river
Hear a sound now don't it make you shiver?
For a pound you know she will deliver
Love or leave her is your only choice now

It's as easy as believing that it's true
Look around now all your see is you
In the end, all your really knew
Getting older but you ain't no wiser

Maybe I will when I'm older
Maybe I will but it's not time now
Maybe I will when I'm older...
No

Maybe I will when I'm older
Maybe I will but it's not time now
Maybe I will when I'm older...
No

Maybe I will when I'm older
Maybe I will but it's not time now
Maybe I will when I'm older...
No

Kill The Ordinary (Lyrics)

"Kill The Ordinary"

Let's kill the ordinary
let's take its life away
let's leave the bored and frightened
who needs them anyway?
There are no more conventions
there are no rules to bend
it's only our intentions
tell me what you intend,

when you find
that time is an illusion
when you find
you made your own confusion
when you find
that everyone's conclusion
is concluded all alone

Let's drown the old familiar
let's pull the common thread
let's drain the stagnant water
that's bottled in our heads
let's fight the fear inside us
let's put the guilt aside
let's let the night endear us
the universe is wide

when we find
that time is an illusion
when we find
we made your own confusion
when we find
that everyone's conclusion
is concluded all alone

Let's put the pain behind us
let's take a second chance
let's let the rain remind us
our hearts were meant to dance
let's follow every instinct
let's honor every day
let's let it all just happen
what have to anyway

When you find
that time was an illusion
when you find
you don't need the confusion
when you find
your beautiful conclusion
will conclude with only you
only you

let's kill the ordinary

1976 Volare

My father owned a 1976 Volare station wagon – the car credited with coining the term “lemon”. Every day was a Monday on that car’s assembly line. It was painted a bright, almost neon red – which was really convenient when it came time for looking for some part, that, for no know reason, simply fell off the car while screaming down the highway at 35mph. I’ve come to wonder if the parts weren’t falling off, but were in fact, jumping off – sort of a “Mutiny on the Volare.” We we once driving along and one of the doors fell off. I think it was actually an early precursor to the airbag – sort of a dramatic way to say, “get out of the car, NOW!”

REAL Sports Quote #1

“We have to strike first so we can use the counter-punch before them."

4th Aid

I recently received my St. John's Ambulance 4th Aid certificate. I'm now fully trained how to be sympathetic at the funeral.

Contents of my Desk. 2006 A Found List.

Ok – here’s my desk – here's what's on my desk, minus the two brownie plates, which had recently turned into Petri dishes, and looked like they were trying to recreate new brownies, they, have officially been removed. Ok, here it is. Oh, and this is random – it’s all random – and honestly, there are layers I can’t see without removing other layers – so, this is what I can see without doing too much work.

A stack of blank CD’s, a burned candle in a glass, with three dead roaches in it ( I know they’re dead because I’ve checked twice already.) A second burned out candle with business receipts in it. A digital camera, a Leatherman, a notebook, my wallet, both cordless phones – both blinking (note to self, check messages) a protective wrist guard – a headlamp – prescription sunglasses – and EZ Lube receipt, a checkbook, a guitar string (an Ernie Ball 24w to be specific) packing tape – a Christmas flyer for Macey’s (it’s February) car keys, a pot holder (for hot pots) a glass pipe (for hot pot) – a colony of wall warts, jacks, plugs and cables, running into a large power strip, down the wall, into my computer, back out, a cloth napkin, CD’s of drum tracks from a studio two years ago – the plastic wrap for the $10 digital radio I bought to hear senate hearing on the next supreme court nominee, an Altoids box (smells like weed), match books, all natural deodorant (I don’t use it, I don’t sweat – honest), portions of shoelaces which I keep cutting off my sneaker. I’m not sure where the excess comes from, but oddly they don’t seem to be getting any smaller, a notepad, the instruction manual for a carpentry calculator, an envelope of tax forms (currently serving double duty as a mouse pad, phone number pad, and… apparently some writing ideas), candy bar wrapper, USB wire, Phillips screw driver, garage door opener, small (useless) golf pencil, (ok, I’m digging down a bit), rolling papers, more comedy notes, gas receipts, auto club member card, another (3) notebooks, cough drop wrappers, guitar cable Velcro strap, pocket knife(s) dead AAA and AA batteries, empty Barnes & Nobel plastic bag, old parts from my repaired Telecaster, head phones, numerous CD’s of rough recordings, a Volvo repair manual, phone bill, credit card bill – some open – many not, a dust mask, two fire wire drives, a shaker egg, Tiger Balm – many more business cards (who ARE these people??) M&M’s bag (empty), empty battery package, ACLU envelope (unopened), small wooden box with a sliding lid for holding things like, joints, aluminum one hitter, dead matches, pen, a case with one ear plug in it, a book on wooden boxes, a CD of a girl who waits at this breakfast place I go, more dead matches, a wireless keyboard, a wired keyboard, a book on “Setting up a Workshop” snowboard rental receipt, Sharpee marker, two monitors (one on, one off) gutar pic, pencil, kick drum beater head, Q-tip (used) and a half used bottle of expectorant.

Teach Your Children Well

I did it again.

F Bomb. Thalia in the back seat of the car.

In my defense, yet again, the legitimacy of my cursing was wholly warranted - as the bonehead in the left hand land sat through two advance "go forchrissakes!!!". Also in my defense, what I really said was, "For fuck sake." No judgment against the idiot in front of me who's holding up MY lilfe - merely cursing the entire situation.

Thalia, in all her kindness lets me speed through the stale yellow advance light before she starts.


Thalia
Papa. That wasn't a good word choice.

Papa
I know baby. You're right. I'm sorry.

Thalia
You can say buggin', you can say frustrated...

Papa
Thank you Thaila. Yes, it was a bad choice.

Thalia
You can say angry...

Papa
Thank you.

Thalia
Papa - you're like an older Micha.

I was struck, dumb. (Dumber?) 'Micha' is the boy Thalia has learned "fuck" and all of its derivative forms from. A kid I find... challenging.

Papa
Thalia, it was a bad choice, but I'm NOT an older Micha.

Thalia
You don't need to say fuck papa.

Papa
Yes Thalia.

She's calling me out - 2 and almost one 1/2 years of life, calling me out. I think I may be in trouble.